Tomorrow is Scott Disick’s birthday. He’ll be 34.

That’s not old by any means, but he’s certainly not a kid anymore.

But if you thought his advancing age or the fact that he’s a father of three would prevent Scott from scheming on threesomes with two barely-legal partners who aren’t old enough to buy beer, then you don’t know The Lord.

These days, Scott is dating Bella Thorne.

Yes, that relationship has officially gone from a rumor that seemed too ridiculous to be true to a sad fact that we’re all just gonna have to deal with.

Bella is 19 and desperately thirsty for the big time.

She’s already discarded more celebrity suitors than Taylor Swift’s iPhone, but Scott is her most famous dude to date.

(Which should tell you something about the quality of guys she’s been dating.)

Just days prior to the start of this gross new romance, Disick was hooking up with Ella Ross, a 20-year-old British model. 

But as if the situation weren’t enough to make you reflexively itch your crotch like you caught crabs just from reading about it, things get even grosser from here.

There’s reason to believe that Scott tried and failed to engineer a threesome with Bella and Ella.

Insiders tell the Daily Mail that Ella “was at Scott’s date with Bella,” but it may not have been by choice.

Many believe Scott and Bella went to LA hotspot Catch knowing Ella would be there.

When she shrugged off their creepy advances – they followed her.

Or at the very least, they ended up in her presence again a few hours later, this time at The Peppermint Club.

Sources say Scott and Bella caught wind of Ella’s plans to hang out in the VIP with friends, and they stalked her ass out a second time.

Sadly, for lovers of group sex that sounds like something out of a Dr. Seuss story, it looks like Bella, Ella, and Scott just isn’t happening.

But that failure has given rise to a new, even grosser rumor.

Earlier this week, Scott and Bella went to Cannes for the annual festival that used to be about movies, and is now about talentless famous people exchanging illicit powders and bodily fluids.

And they brought a guest with them … Bella’s older sister, Dani Thorne.

Sources say Scott is still desperate to have a threesome in order to make Kourtney Kardashian jealous, but … he wouldn’t go the young sisters route, would he?

Who are we kidding?

This is Scott Disick we’re talking about.

The man’s goal is clearly to complete Charlie Sheen’s sexual bucket list.

The Hollywood Gossip