On last night’s episode of Teen Mom: OG, the “important people” on the show (read: everyone except Farrah Abraham) traveled to Puerto Rico to bond over the difficulties of MTV stardom and the joys of never having to work a real job.
It was a laid back atmosphere, but one of the moms clearly had difficulty leaving her problems on the mainland – and with good reason.
Ryan Edwards’ drug use has been a cause of deep concern for Maci Bookout in recent weeks, and she gave voice to her fears and frustrations during a candid chat with Catelynn Lowell and Amber Portwood.
Maci revealed that, far from being played up for the cameras, Ryan’s situation is actually more serious than it appears on screen.
Bookout says she fears that those closest to Edwards are enabling his self-destructive behavior, a mistake that could have fatal consequences.
“What I’m saying is that everyone else around him is too afraid of what it will look like more than his health,” she tells her co-stars.
Portwood and Lowell have both experienced addiction issues firsthand, and they confirmed Maci’s fears that her ex’s situation is a dire one.
“You are so in love with the drugs that you feel that if you wake up in the morning without them you want to die,” Portwood said of her own battle with substance abuse.
“So, should I die? It’s a feeling that you can never f—ing feel unless you’ve really been to the bottom. He needs to find where his bottom may be.”
Edwards recently got engaged to Mackenzie Standifer, and he maintains a close relationship with his parents, but Maci says she feels as though she’s the only one who recognizes the severity of his situation.
“I’m just sick of cleaning up his mess. I get tired of dealing with the s—. Just being the only one that f—ing sees everything and cares,” says a tearful Bookout.
She went on to reveal that she frequently fears for Edwards’ life:
“I talk to Taylor about it like, ‘I wonder if today’s going to be the day that Ryan does something that he can’t come back from?’” Bookout says.
She later told the camera that while her fears persist, it was helpful to share her concerns with Amber and Catelynn:
“That’s exactly what I needed was two people that have been there on both sides of it that have my back no matter what,” said Bookout.
“They were genuinely just there for me.”
Watch Teen Mom online for more of Maci’s ups and downs.